Dagon

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Q4u8OB78VPk/TCSQTf5CpoI/AAAAAAAAAWU/e1NsbuVNH8c/s1600/demonlordplusminions

Name: Dagon Longstalker
Age: 213 years
home world: Aringo
chosen god: Aeon

Weapons:
1) one handed adamantine sword.
2) adamantine dagger (attached to sword by a chain).

abilities:
smithing:
he can build swords, axes, knives, armor, etc.
fire spells:
he can use spells of fire such as fireball (he can shoot fireballs), fire enchantments (he can enchant item to do fire damage and/or create light), fire storm (a storm of fire), etc
telekinesis:
he can use telekinetic powers such as mind read (read your mind), telekinetic lift (lift thing with his mind, telekinetic throw (throw things using his mind), etc

biography:
an elf demon slayer (branch of warrior and mage). He and his whole clan have worshipped Aeon for all time and they still worship Aeon as their one and only god. His home world of Aringo was once a beautiful and luscious forest but then demons came they killed the elves animals, took their land and forced them to work as slaves. Eventually the world was sucked dry of all resources and the elves started to fight back they trained demon slayers to hunt the ugly beasts. they killed all the demons on their planet unfortunately their world was already dead. so they set out to find a world to live on they took the demon ships and they found out there were more demons in the world so many on so many planets that they decided to become a traveling group of demon slayers to help make sure the fate that befell them happened to no others. This eventually lead them them to a planet infested with demons possibly the demon home world or one of the demon home worlds at least so they decided to kill the demons on this planet for that would destroy the demon raids in the system of planets this eventually lead to the destruction of all demons in the system they then searched for a new system to "cleanse" this lead them to Avalon.

this guy sounds overpowered

A. punctuation, please.
B. Please explain your abilities a bit more
C. Please explain how your character got to the universe of Avalon, and came to serve Aeon.

updated it anything else?

mmmm, ok. But how does your character, specifically, meet Aeon and join him. This is important, as the main point of the story is the conflict between the four gods and their forces.

The clan always had a close relationship with Aeon and they would meet him/her at a young age of 95 (young for elves).

Ok, but HE, specifically, needs to meet Aeon and be drafted into his forces.
Also, understand that working for Aeon will be his main priority.

It was a sacred ritual that the clan had always realized as something important so they sent out their young men and women to meet their god and spend one year in his/her presence this is how he met the god and he stuck with Aeon for the rest of time. They then devote the rest of their lives to keeping order, praying and learning in the name of their god. They take a lot pride in the god they worship and they think of themselves as Aeons favourites even though they know he/she does not have favourites for that would be unorderly and chaotic.

......Ok. I need to explain this here.
Gods are not as distant here as they are in DnD, and want less to be worshipped, and more to be followed. they appear and fight in physical shape and form.

If your character is in Avalon, serving aeon, he will have been recruited. Lastly, add this into the character biography.
Actually, lastly, GRAMMAR

He specifically met Aeon when he like all his clan mates went on a long journey to find his god and make peace with him/her he spent a year with his god so he could get to know Aeon and he then tried to live up to his gods standards he was eventually admitted back in to the clan as one of the gods men he has hencforth served his god as best he can he has no really special relationship with his god compared to his clan mates. He loves order just like his clan mates and he would give his live for Aeon although there is a secret for you see his god knows he is destined for greatness more greatness than any of his clan mates but if he told the young elf then order would be broken so dagon must not know the secret. There is not much else to say. He was recruited and trained by Aeon but he has only fought along side him a handful of times he is an amazing warrior who is loved by his god he loves his god just as much and he has a close relationship with him but not anymore than any other clan member.

...ya. No.
Character not approved at this time.

Why not.

Is it cause he didn't go on a huge spiritual journey and be all special and different?

First off, double posting is annoying, and you need to stop doing that. There is an edit button. Use it.

Secondly, it's because the character is a mary sue, and no one has that close a relationship with any god whatsoever. You're deciding for yourself what Aeon would do to a ridiculous degree, and it's just plain not happening. That's why.

Ok im deleting the character than and not making a new one because you are impossible i had him perfect but you said the gods are closer to the people who follow them so i did that then you said he is to close to the god.


Please close and delete the topic/character sheet.

Not sure why you used that image but here's your Revamped Character:


Name: Dagon Longstalker
Age: 213 years
home world: Aringo
chosen god: Aeon

Weapons:
1) Adamantine Shortsword
2) Adamantine Kite Shield

abilities:
Metallurgy:
He can craft many things from metals including ax heads, swords (short or broad), and armour. Of course he needs time and material to make them.

Fireball:
Through the use of some cryptic words, he can create a ball of fire from his hand and throw it at enemies.

Telekinesis:
He can move objects with Arcane power. Other mages are resistant or even immune to this, but it is still useful for lesser enemies.


Bio:

Dagon is an elf. On his planet his title is that of "Demon Slayer". He is part of a clan that follows Aeon. Long ago, his homeworld was attacked and inhabited by demons. The demonic hordes were merciless, they set up camp and refused to leave. During their occupation they built mines and mills, slowly ripping the resources of Dagon's planet from the earthen soil and rock. Once complete domination had come, the Elves were enslaved by the demons. They were forced to rip the resources from their own planet. A resistance formed, deep in the mines. The demons tried to control their dictatorial rule over the planet but all else failed as a new breed of Elven warrior was born, and unstoppable when compared to their forefathers. The Elves were merciless toward the demons, as they were during the invasion. After the war, the planet was horribly desolate, not a single plant was left, not a drop of mercury in the mines, and not a single brick of coal to be made with the remaining ore left among the rocks. They needed a refuge. They found the demon docks, they were building more ships to take over more planets and expand their influence, only one was complete. But it was massive. The entire race could fit inside the ship known now to Dagon's race as The Ark. A massive exodus was performed on the planet, all of the men, women, children and... Demon Slayers boarded and set off to find something new. After several years they came across the Exitius homeworld. They knew that there were demons down there, and consumed with harbored rage toward their entire race beelined directly for their planet. Dagon, now leader of the Demon Slayers, ordered a mass invasion. He would make his race proud, this is where it begins. This is where it ends, A final elimination of their undying enemies and a battle the likes of which the Demon Slayers have never seen before.

Thanks Angus m3 (Arik)

I'll approve this character sheet, IF I see that quality of spelling and grammar in your posts.

ok i'll try.

i can now use this Character for chapter one?

Ok, Devilslayer, this is your last warning.
Don't double post. if you post once, instead of posting again in the same thread, look at your first post, find the edit button, and edit it in.
Got it?
Secondly, yes, I suppose you can, but if I find it entirely lacking of grammar as your posts normaly are, or just plain bad, I will delete them.

Ok sorry about the double post.